Back in Session: A SAHM Pursuing a Master’s Degree

Despite my setback on trying to find a job, I’m still pursuing my master’s degree in Management in Healthcare Administration. Before my fall classes started, I kept reading the stranger’s comment on the Abilene Help Wanted page: “It’s who you know,” and “Bachelor’s is the new Associates, and Master’s is the new Bachelors.” It just kills me, that my having a Bachelor’s degree doesn’t mean anything since I have a huge gap in between employment. By the way, I do not regret for one second choosing to stay home and raise my daughters. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

So, here I am, still pursuing my master’s degree despite what people have told me. A higher education may seem like a waste of money to some, but honestly, it’s the only thing helping me identify myself more than just a wife and mom. For most of my adult life, I have been a stay-at-home mom, and I always felt like I was not taken seriously. I know in my heart, that my job as a mom is some serious business and my kids wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for me, but I just wish my experience as a mom looked just as good on paper.

I voiced my struggles in my introduction in class and my teacher suggested volunteering. When my youngest starts school, then I can look into volunteering. For now, I cannot afford to pay for day care. The struggle is real.

The job fair on base is on the 28th, and I’m pretty excited about it. Will post on here after. I started teaching my Tahitian dance classes last week. So far, the community center has penciled me in for every Wednesday this month, and every Monday next month. I don’t get paid enough to stop the job hunt, but I’m happy and I love dancing.

Praying I have a less stressful semester.

Not Entirely Hating it Here

I’m still missing Okinawa terribly. I still get super sad when I look at old pictures or watch old videos. My heart drops when a memory pops in my mind of when we were in Okinawa. I still wish I could live in Okinawa forever, and I’m still missing my BFF and her family. I sometimes forget that she doesn’t live across the street from me anymore. The other day, I was thinking of scheduling a dental appointment for myself and thought, “I’ll ask Karen if she can watch the girls.” Then reality instantly hit, and I got sad. I am grateful, though, that technology allows us to still “see” each other and talk.

In my previous post, I mentioned that we got a second car. Which means I’m not stuck in the house anymore. However, today, I started getting ready after my workout so we can head out to the grocery store and get a few things. I changed, and even put on makeup. Opened the garage door, opened the car, and realized that the car seat is in the hubby’s car. Was a little frustrated and went inside, changed my clothes, and wiped off my makeup haha. Hubby asked if I wanted him to pick up what we need after work, or do I want to go with him. Umm, yes please. Anything to get out the house, even if it is to get milk haha.

We didn’t have the Disney channel in Okinawa, so my new thing now is getting into all the Disney shows. Yesterday, I was the only one laughing at a show.

Today’s tantrum: I asked my 3 year old if she wanted to come outside with me this morning to water my plants. She was so into her kindle and said “no”. I guess while I was outside she changed her mind, and I heard her screaming. When I opened the door she kept saying “I wanted to go with you!!!” She didn’t calm down until I took her outside so she could water my plants again.

SAHMs can’t make this kind of stuff up.

Pool Day with a SAHM

We finally got a second car yesterday, so now I don’t have to be stuck at home all day. First day with a car, and I decided to take the girls to the base pool. I was a bit nervous. I have lived in Okinawa for 7 years. The driver’s seat is on the right, and we drive on the left side of the road. Now, I’m back in America, so I have to get used to driving here again, let alone a new state that I have never lived in or been to. Fortunately, there is a back road that leads to the base from our house, so driving there was easy. For all of 14 years that my husband has been in the military, we have always lived on base. This is the first time we are living off base, so I don’t really know my way around base too much. Thankfully, I have seen the pool once when we were on base so I kind of had an idea where it was and what street to turn down.

We stayed for about 2 and half hours. We left because surprisingly, they girls were cold. The weather was super hot, it was in the 90s. However, the pool water was freezing. My youngest kept shivering.

We are home now, all showered, and now we’re relaxing to some Little Mermaid. Thank you God for a better day.

Boring & Productive Day

Still trying to feel normal. This house still doesn’t feel like ours. I’m tired of everyone telling me how to feel. I can’t help that I’m not fully happy yet.

Feel free to like our YouTube channel:

https://youtu.be/d5rLPPnEdi0

No Stress?

I’m in my very last semester to get my Bachelors degree and I’m ecstatic! I can’t believe I’m so close to finally getting this degree. Taking classes with a youngin is definitely not an easy task, and it makes the process go by so slow. My first two years was probably the hardest. Dealing with being a new mom all the while trying to pass my classes. Let’s just say there were many, many days of crying. Despite all that stress, I still managed to get all A’s and landed a spot on the Dean’s list. 

So within the last year or so, I realized I wasn’t so stressed out with school as much as I used to be. There was no crying, and no angry mom. I just figured it out recently that it’s because I learned how to manage my time better. Before, I tried to get everything done by Wednesday or Thursday, so I would be jumping around all over the place trying to get things done before the weekend hit so I could relax. 

Now, I take things one day at a time. I don’t give myself an early deadline, and just try to finish things by Sunday. Each day, I do all I can for just one class. Before, I would jam pack all classes into one day. Now, I just focus all my energy and time into one class in one day. The next day, I move on to the next class’s tasks. Although I might still be working on things on the weekend, at least I’m not stressed out every day during the week. I actually have some down time with my family at night. 

My husband joked around saying he’s glad that I figured out during my last year. I know huh! Well at least I’m not stressing out too much during my last semester =P

Life Improvements

It’s amazing how just improving the way you eat, and the way you live your life can improve everything else in your life. In a nutshell, I got rid of all the negativity in my life, and vowed to try to be a happier person. Along with that, I started eating cleaner foods (Paleo), and exercise on a regular basis. All of that together helped improve my relationship with my husband, with my daughter, and with myself. I look at things differently now, and I’m beginning to see the brighter side of things.

I just reconnected with a very good friend of mines from college. I been having dreams of all of us hanging out again. The dream was nothing spectacular, but visualizing us hanging out made me miss the good times. We’re Facebook penpals now, and I’m glad I’m able to catch up with someone special in my life.

A couple of weeks ago, I got into an argument with my husband over his clothing company that he has with his friends. Basically, I wanted him out. I was just tired of the way he was being treated. We worked things out, but I still had this negative feeling towards the main guy and everyone who was associated with him. Then I reminded myself of my new way of living. I’m still working on it, but I am getting less angry about the situation. I did however, “unlike” the company’s page from Facebook, and “unfollowed” the company’s instagram account. I know it may seem like this action is the opposite of what I’m trying to do with my life, but I look at it as deleting all the negativity in my life.

I’m no saint, but I am trying to be a happier person.

Goodbye Negativity

I’ve been known to hold grudges. Once you do me wrong, you are permanently on my shit-list. I just realized that I’m getting too old for this “I’m never going to talk to you again” deal. When you welcome drama or negativity in your life, it really does drain the energy and fun out of it.

I really don’t know what brought on this new realization. Maybe it’s my new fitness journey that I’m pursuing, or maybe it really is because I’m getting close to turning 30. Whatever it is, I think this might be good for me and my family. I’m tired of being surrounded by so much negativity and anger. Everyone is always mad about something, or always hating somebody. What’s the point? I really couldn’t figure out the point. There really is no purpose if I put a few people on my shit-list. Hating them only wastes my time and energy. I realized that when I bumped into a few people the other day. Long story short, there was some shit talking a while back, and I put her in my shit-list. When I bumped into her at lunch, I realized that I don’t have the time and energy to stoop down to her level and be a bitch back. I said hi and talked a bit with her. Why? Well because I’m done holding grudges. She doesn’t need to be my BFF, but I’m finding it easier to just be nice.

After many years of being surrounded by so much anger and negativity, I feel exhausted and worn out. Literally. You can only take so much negativity in your life until your heart can no longer bare it.

What’s funny is that the people who say “I’m done with drama” or “I don’t want drama in my life” are usually the ones who holds the grudges, so actually they are still welcoming the drama. That was me. I am done with that crap.

Here’s to a new, happier life. If anyone tries to bring me down, they can try, but I’ll still be smiling. As long as I have my family, I’ll be good.

Interesting Nutrition Facts

– Did you know that cutting or dicing vegetables or fruits can change vitamin content? The best way to get all your vitamins and nutrients is from eating vegetables and fruits.
Dicing foods, such as potatoes, exposes more surface area to vitamin destruction. So, if you must cut, don’t cut too small.

– The best cooking methods to maintain vitamin content: steaming, stir-frying, and microwaving. Also, use minimal amounts of water. Light, heat, air, acid, and alkali can destroy many vitamins, and cooking liquids can leach them out.

– Is frozen vegetables any better? Actually, the vitamin content in frozen vegetables are much better than you think. When veggies are frozen immediately after they were picked, they maintain it’s vitamin content better, and may be healthful choices than fresh vegetables that lose nutrients during shipping and storage.

Reference: 

Discovering Nutrition 4th ed., 2013

Life After Criticism

In my previous post ( Critics ) I had mentioned of a non-singer guy saying that I need to work on my vocals. I know I don’t always sing on tune, but I still love what I do, and I am constantly working to improve. I do tend to let these type of situations get me down, but it doesn’t last for very long. I still am a little self-concious on how I sing, but I still have fun.

This past weekend, we had a gig for a unit party. It was a paid gig, and although we didn’t get to do much singing, I still had a fun time with my band. The party was a hail and farewell party, and they had a projection screen set up right next to where my band and I were set up. The screen displayed a funny slideshow of photoshopped pictures of the honoree. Everyone paid more attention to the funny pictures than the band!

After every song, the only person applauding was me! It was like we weren’t even there, or that the music was just coming from a stereo system. We performed for about an hour, then helped ourselves to some free food. They did their hail and farewell part, their own version of a roast of the honoree, and that all took about 2 hours. After sitting around for 2 hours, we performed only two songs, and they told us we were done. Hah! It sure was frustrating, because if we knew we weren’t going to be performing much after their two hour long thing, we could have just packed up and left during that. Either way, we still got paid, so I guess I can’t complain much.

One thing that helped pushed away that critic’s hurtful words, was when I sang my last song, Rock and Roll by Led Zeppelin, I could see everyone watching me, smiling, and having a great time. I love seeing that! People enjoying my singing, and having a great time. When I was done, there were cheers, and I even saw a girl throw her hands up while screaming, “woo hoo”. It was awesome!

So to that guy who said that my band members are being too nice to tell me the truth about my horrible singing, I will graciously take that criticism and just get stronger from it. I don’t hate you, nor am I angry. I, myself, criticize people on their performances, but I don’t go out of my way to tell them. Why? Because as a singer, I know that we’re all just doing what we love. We develop the courage to get up in front of people, do what we love, and just leave our hearts on the stage. Who am I to write on a band’s facebook page and tell them that the vocals suck? Critics will be around no matter what. We can’t get rid of them. If only….

Critics

Let me start off by saying yes I sing in a band, but I know that I’m not in any way a perfect singer. I have many many faults. I sing off tune at times, I crack, and sometimes when I get too into a song, I tend to lose control of my voice. I know I’m not a professional material, which is why I just do this for fun. I’m not making a career. I’m majoring in computer studies!! I do see myself singing for the rest of my life, but just not as a professional. Singing makes me happy, which is why I’m doing what I’m doing.

I know that being a singer always comes with consequences. I know there will be critics. I know there will always be that someone who will go out of their way to tell you sing horrible. Although I know all of these things comes with the territory, it still gets to me, and I become temporarily depressed. It makes me second guess if singing in front of people is right for me. Am I that horrible, that someone needs to write a message on my band page to tell me I’m pretty bad.

Ok, I know criticism is supposed to make you stronger, blah blah. But you can’t help but feel hurt when it hits. I’m only human, and any kinds of negative feedback about something that I loved to do hurts me.

I was upset at the time, and when I found out his name on facebook, which by the way has no profile picture, I messaged him. My message to him said this word for word: “Hi, I heard you were doing voice lessons. I’m interested”. Sounds a little snotty and wise ass-ish? Yup, that’s what I was going for. Long story short, he wrote back saying that he’s not a singer, and that when a nonsinger can notice me screw up, then that’s pretty bad. He said my friends won’t tell me the truth. Basically, he’s saying that I’m pretty bad and nobody will tell me the truth. He ended with saying criticism will me stronger, so take it and improve.

He’s not even a singer, he’s an athlete, so he says. I asked him to give me specifics on what I need to work on. I said I can take criticism, so tell me where I need to work on. I was honestly curious on where I screwed up on. Instead of telling me where I screwed up on, he said that maybe my bands being nice to me so they don’t want to tell me the truth. So, in other words, he’s saying my band doesn’t want to tell me the truth despite the fact that I might be making them look bad too. Interesting …

I been telling everyone that I’m ok with it, but in reality, I’m not. Things like this really gets to me. I love to sing, but I hate douche bags that go out of their way to tell me I suck. I know I’m not a professional, so back off!

I heard so much motivational crap about how I’m brave to be getting on stage, and maybe he’s jealous, blah blah, but that doesn’t change what he said to me. I’m honestly second guessing if I should continue.