Growing Old

So I’m a 34 year old stay at home mom. When I was in high school, I never once thought I would be staying home watching my kids in my 30s.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being able to raise my children myself. I made this choice. With all these crazy people in the world, it’s hard to trust anyone to watch your kids.

The thing is, I’m 34 years old, trying to finish up my masters program, but yet I haven’t been in the workforce since 2008! I feel like a loser with barely any work experience.

My current dilemma: we can’t afford for me to finish up my masters degree, but yet I don’t wanna put my youngest in day care.

Then there’s my self-love. I been losing a lot of love myself lately. I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror. When I do, I feel like I don’t recognize myself. I literally feel disgust. I remember when I was 18, I hated wearing makeup and I loved my natural look. Now, I can’t stand my face without makeup.

Then there’s the metabolism. Like why can’t I just eat a damn pizza and still fit into my jeans?

I hate this feeling of being lost. I’m 34 and I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life. With a new house and new bills, I want to help out. I wish we had family to watch my baby.