Tag Archives: Motherhood

Off Day

Posted in Life, military life by

My happy days are on and off, and today it was off. I can’t talk about it with my husband because I don’t want him to feel like it’s his fault that we moved because I know it’s not. But bottling up my feelings doesn’t help either. I hate writing about it on Facebook because everyone tries to tell me how to feel and how not to feel. Just let me feel!!!

Still no car. I didn’t transfer my license to Texas yet because I have no way and they’re closed on the weekends. My cat possibly has a skin infection and I don’t know how she got the wound. I’m worried about all these new bills and my husband is looking for another car in a higher price range than I wanted to. I want to work but I hate imagining my youngest in day care. My life is just a big blah right now. Let’s see how I feel tomorrow. I can only pray.

Better Day in Abilene

Posted in Life, Motherhood by

My happy days are on and off and today was a good day. My weekends seem to be better because my husband is home with me. We have only one car so I’m home by myself with the girls with not much to do. Today was a good day. Took the girls to Maxx Air Park here in Abilene, got our home security system installed, and the girls played bubbles outside when the sun was about to go down because it was less hot at that time. Praying for more days like today.

Short video of today:

https://youtu.be/pMc-GYJh5w8

Tried to Stay Positive

Posted in Life, Motherhood by

It’s no secret that I’m not entirely happy here. I know it’s not fair to compare everything to Okinawa, but I also can’t control how I feel. Anyway, my friend suggested I start blogging and vlogging my days to help pass the time and to de-stress. So here’s how my day went:

I was moody; my anger was short tempered at times, and my frustration with things was on and off. However, I still tried to think happy thoughts whenever I felt like I wanted to scream.

Worked out

Then did my wifey/mommy duties. Vacuumed and steam mopped the house, cooked lunch, cleaned the cat liter, cleaned the youngest’s room, and cooked dinner.

After dinner and our showers, I loaded the dish washer. We played a game, a tea party in Kawena’s room, played cards with Kai, and now I’m the only one up enjoying watching Friends.

Hubby offered to take me to check out a place where I can teach Tahitian dance tomorrow. I’m praying everything goes smoothly and this can be the thing that turns things around.

Gonna try upload some videos onto my new YouTube channel tomorrow.

Missing Okinawa

Posted in Life, military life, Motherhood by

It’s been a little over a month since we have left Okinawa. I still feel like we’re on vacation (a rather boring one), and we’ll be going back to Okinawa later. Don’t get me wrong, I love our new house. It’s our first home, and I’m very proud of it. Outside of our home, though, this place is so much more boring than Okinawa is. Last weekend, which was a long weekend (Memorial Day weekend), it took me hours to find something fun for us to do. I know this feeling is mostly because I have lived in Okinawa for 7 years. I had a life, I had my everyday routines, and my friends who were my family. Okinawa became my home.

I opened up my bullet journal and flipped back to April. I saw all the activities I was busy doing before we left. I started to imagine myself driving my Japanese car and getting things done. I know it’s only been a month, but I already do miss the life I had in Okinawa. We have only one car for now, so I’m pretty much stuck in this house. However, when my husband is home, there really isn’t much to do here anyways, besides find a place to eat or spend money somewhere.

I miss the beach. It is blazing hot and I can’t go swim in a beach for free.

Well, a friend gave me a good idea. In order to pass the time, I’m going to blog about our days here. I also made a youtube channel with the same name as this so it’s easy to find. Heres to hopefully liking it here in Abilene.

I Cried Today

Posted in Motherhood by

I haven’t had a mommy breakdown in a while. That’s probably because I was on a long break from school. Ever since I started grad school again last week, I been on edge, short tempered, and emotional. I was holding in all my anger, and all my tears until now. I hate talking about it. I feel like it shows that I can’t handle things. I hate talking about my feelings when it deals with my kids, and my schooling. I chose this path in life and I shouldn’t complain right?

I have a ton of reading for class, and I need to start a paper. So when I’m not doing school work, it’s weighing heavily on my mind. My little one was taking a nap, and I thought it would be a great time to make dinner. I was making meatloaf muffins, so my hands were covered in raw meat. She woke up from her nap, started screaming for me, and I told her my hands were dirty and to hold on, as if talking to her would calm her down. She ran away screaming and I ignored her, because I needed to get these muffins in the oven. I wash my hands, and as I’m about to wash the dishes, I hear her crying in the bathroom. I ran to the bathroom and there she is standing in a huge ass puddle of pee. It’s everywhere! Like how much water did she drink before nap time? My bathroom mats are wet, her stool on the ground is wet. I wanted to scream and run away. Instead, I’m there, on my hands and knees, wiping up the pee with a towel and Lysol wipes. I threw the mat and towels in the wash. Washed my hands, and as I’m washing the dishes, everything just comes flowing back to me. Every little thing that got me upset the past couple weeks. I started to think how stressed I am. Thought of how maybe I’m not a great mom or wife. Though about how I yelled at my poor baby girl for peeing on the floor, it’s not her fault. I just thought how horrible of a mom I am. So yup, I’m standing there, washing dishes and crying my eyes out.

I think I need help.

I’m Back Beaches!!!

Posted in Motherhood by

Well, it’s no surprise that I took a hiatus and returned after X amount of time. But difference now is that along with being a stay-at-home mom, I am now a grad student. I’m pursing a Master’s degree in Management focusing on Healthcare Administration.

Enough of the boring stuff, and on to the crazy, psycho, and emotional part of my life: being a wife and a mother.

Since I haven’t updated this blog in a long time, I doubt any of my followers still read this. But if you so happened to stumble upon this page, here’s a little sneaky peak into my life.

I’m Hawaii Native; born and raised. I am a wife; I been married to my husband for almost 13 years. I am a mother; I have two daughters, ages 8 and almost 3. My husband is in the Air Force, and we have lived in Washington state, Guam, and currently in Okinawa. We are due to leave next year. I have my BS in Computer studies, and as I stated earlier, I’m pursuing a master’s degree in something totally different. This is my blog. The place where I bitch and celebrate. You will read about my crazy children, sometimes my husband, my boring school life, and an occasional story about military family life. Mahalo.

Potty Training

Posted in Motherhood by

I been M.I.A since December 2015. A lot has happened since then. My last posts before that was about weaning my youngest from breastfeeding. That was such a hard, draining, and emotional process for the both of us. I never thought I’d be here looking back at those hard times. We’ve come a long way, and I’m glad it’s over.

The newest thing with us now is potty training. With my oldest, I didn’t start potty training until she was well over 2 years old. My youngest isn’t 2 yet; she turns 2 in November, but I decided to start early, because she was showing signs that she was ready. She was always telling me when she peed or did a number 2. She didn’t like the feeling of being in her poo so she would say “Ew mommy!” and point to her butt. So I thought to myself, “why not!?”

In the beginning, it was on and off, depending on my mood. I was already stressed out with my husband being gone for a class. I felt like I was a single mother dealing with two brats all day by myself. So if I felt like I didn’t want to deal with cleaning up after accidents and rushing to the potty, I just didn’t do it. Last week, I ended up buying some 2T panties. I did this with my oldest. She didn’t like the feeling of peeing herself. Again, I shouldn’t assume it would be the same with my youngest. She pees herself and just stands in the puddle of her pee saying, “ew mommy.” Yesterday, she had 4 accidents in like 40 minutes! I was running out of towels and panties, so I slipped on some pull-ups and called it a day for the both of us. Today, I wasn’t about to give up, and put on her panties again. We started off good; she actually told me BEFORE she peed that she had to pee. We ran to the potty and she peed in her potty. Right when I thought we were gonna have a good day, she peed on the couch 15 minutes later. While I’m throwing everything in the wash I’m thinking, “didn’t you pee everything out just 15 minutes ago?”

Here’s to potty training, and all the fun and stress that comes with it.

I Love Being a Mommy, But …

Posted in Motherhood by

I am a mommy to two beautiful girls. Both kids were planned, so they were both totally our decision. Well, I convinced my husband to go along with my decision. Hehe. Naturally, the first one was hard. Being a new parent has so many challenges full of laughs and tears. When I finally decided to have a second child, I already knew of the struggles that came with being a mom, and I figured it wasn’t going to be as hard as it was with the first one since I was a so-called experienced parent. Well apparently, with each new kid comes new challenges that add onto the old challenges. I love my daughters, and I love being their mommy. However, there are some things that I do miss before I became a parent.

#1. I love being a mommy, but I miss my alone time. There is not a single second in my day where I am alone. I have either one or both of my daughters with me 24/7. While I’m cooking, I have the baby pulling on my shorts. I have an audience when I’m on the toilet. The baby puts eyeliner in her mouth while I’m putting on my makeup. My oldest wants me to talk to her while she’s in the shower, while my baby wants to be in my lap. You get the idea. I’m never alone.

#2. I love being a mommy, but I miss uninterrupted sleep. I remember before kids, I could go to sleep whenever I wanted to, and wake up whenever I wanted to. Now, I have to wait until the baby is asleep so I can shower, relax, then go to bed. I get to sleep for a few hours until the baby wakes up crying because of God knows why. Then after waking up every 2-3 hours, I have to finally get up to do my oldest’s hair and make sure she leaves on time for school. I’m tired.

#3. I love being a mommy, but I miss eating food in peace. Both eating at home and eating out is not easy anymore. I never know what mood the baby will be in. Will she let me eat? Will she sit by herself and feed herself? Or Will she start crying and end up in my lap while I feed her as well as try to feed myself? To add onto that, I need to make sure my oldest even eats at all. Will we start arguing about how much more bites she should take? And will she start arguing with me about how she deserves to eat dessert afterwards? After eating, I’m either still hungry because I didn’t get to eat, or I’m full because I inhaled my food.

#4. I love being a mommy, but I miss going shopping without little ones bothering me. The oldest constantly bugs me about buying her something, and when I tell her no she starts whining or sometimes even crying over it. The baby doesn’t know what she wants. She cries in the carrier, cries in the wagon, then cries to get down when I try to hold her in one hand and push the wagon in the other. I start sweating, because I have so much going on, and wonder if everyone can see the sweat glistening on my forehead. My mind starts going back and forth about whether I should just put everything away and just go home, or just say F it and everyone can just deal with my kids being loud.

#5. I love being a mommy, but I miss being with my husband. I think this is the biggest thing that I miss. I could go on and on about what I miss, but these are the top things. I miss sleeping in the bed with my husband … alone. For the past 6 years, we’ve had a kid in our bed. My oldest sneaks into our bed in the middle of the night every day. She does it every night, so we always expect it. Then there’s my baby. She can sleep on her own, however, when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she needs me there to comfort and pat her back. She has her phases; sometimes she’ll sleep with me in our bed (yup, including our oldest, all four of us are sleeping in our bed), and other times she wants to camp out in the living room. Basically, I never get to sleep with my husband. We never go to bed at the same time, and I don’t remember the last time we cuddled. We don’t even cuddle while watching TV. One of the kids will come in between us. I see my husband every day. We talk every day. We kiss each other hi and bye everyday. But I still miss him.

Being a parent is such a wonderful thing, but I can’t help but miss the little things.